So one of the big news stories in Arizona this week was that our teen pregnancy rate showed the largest drop in the nation, according to the latest available statistics. Of course that is good news. As the mother of a teenage girl myself, I celebrate the fact that fewer children are having babies they are not prepared to raise.
However, the treatment of the story by commentators had me absolutely livid. I am a talk radio listener. I usually leave it on all day as background noise, tuning in when I hear something that catches my interest. I hear, and at times call in and participate in, more in-depth discussion of many news stories than the soundbites on the TV news. So when I heard the local fill-in guy going on and on and on about how this did NOT reflect more abstinence, but only increased contraceptive use, and the percentage of sexually active teenagers had NOT changed, and it was ALL about more contraceptive use.... as if it were his mission to make absolutely certain that there was no way that any of this good news could be tied to....GASP .... traditional values, I got so sputtering angry that my kids watched me struggle to form a sentence about it. Of course, they are used to this. They just laughed and said, "Mom's yelling at the radio again," to each other with giggles and knowing little nods.
As I drove them to school, I thought about why it made me so angry. I mean, it's nothing more than we hear every day. "Kids will do it anyway." "Abstinence education doesn't work." Anyone who disagrees with these pronouncemets is branded naive, stupid, or a religious radical. I am neither naive nor stupid, but I am willing to wear the third badge. As a serious, practicing Catholic, who strives to accept and live all the teachings of my Church, that's how I am regarded by society at large, and frankly, by most of my own family. (By the way, I am a failure at one of the biggies... see here for discussion of that.)
What I realized is that our public discussion of sexuality, for both teens and adults, is purely about the physical. We regard ourselves as successes if people avoid disease or unintended pregnancy. What we never talk about is whether they should be having sex at all. We don't talk about the impact of sexuality on hearts, minds, and souls.
This society regards itself as a success when more teenagers reach adulthood without having had a baby or contracted a disease. Why is it that we don't regard ourselves as failures when the only things we teach them about sex are how to have it in a defensive posture? When all we teach them is to protect themselves against the people they decide to share their bodies with? When we neglect to warn them about and ignore the evidence of broken hearts, degraded spirits, and jaded attitudes? When we teach our children that engaging in the most intimate thing two people can do, while only considering how to keep their innermost selves safe from the person they are sharing it with, what kind of accomplishment is that? When we tell them it's fine to do things that say forever, while knowing the relationship they do them in has almost no chance of being anything but temporary, how do we consider ourselves decent parents?
When are American parents going to step up and do better for their kids? When are we, as a society, going to stop living this fiction that sex can be a recreational activity with no consequences? When are we going to start telling our kids the truth about just how much one person gives of themselves to another when they share a sexual embrace, and how dangerous it is, not physically, but spiritually and emotionally, to share that with the wrong person?
In short, when are we going to admit the truth that the sexual revolution has largely destroyed the fabric of this country's social structure, and start rebuilding it by acknowledging that maybe those repressive grandparents who thought you should save it for marriage might just have known what the hell they were talking about?
I don't know about anyone reading this, but my children are too precious to be launched into the world believing such dangerous tripe. They won't hear from me that the gift from God to married couples, in which they are privileged to help Him create new human beings in His image and likeness, is acceptably dumbed down into a team sport, with as many players on the field as you choose.
When high standards are promoted, some people fail to live up to them. That has always been true. But when societies decide that because some fail, none should try, that is when they collapse. The acceptance of only the lowest standards ensures that everyone can meet them and almost no one will exceed them.
I have a much different vision for how sexuality will become part of my children's lives. I want them to know that it is a beautiful and powerful gift from God, that has unbelievable responsibility attached to it, and that when used correctly, its rewards are more than anyone can describe. In short, I will teach them the Catholic vision of sexuality, in all its life and soul-affirming truth and joy.
Call me crazy, call me stupid. But you'll never be able to say that I didn't TRY.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
Damn it! It's still there.
Awesome. All it takes is a hurt back and ruined plans for housecleaning to completely derail my life. Seriously, I stopped off at Wally World after dropping off the kids this morning and stocked up for spring cleaning. I came home with a brand new mop, a big pack of new scrubber sponges, and several bottles of my favorite cleaning products. I was all set to have a good, productive day, and then I hurt my back bringing in the groceries, and am stuck on the heating pad hoping I can work Sunday night.
And of course, we all know what that leads to.....DAYTIME TV! While flipping channels amongst the latest Maury paternity special and Dr. Phil's parade of parental misfits, I landed on A Baby Story. I used to watch this show regularly, but finally had to shut it off while preparing myself to attempt a VBAC. It seemed like every damned one was ending in a cesarean after really obvious doctor meddling, and it was, as Garth Algar so eloquently stated, "sucking my will to live!" So I have probably not watched that show in a decade.
So what episode do I land on today? Of course it was the beautiful, peaceful, midwife-attended water birth. I watched for a few minutes, loving what I was seeing, especially when the mom said she didn't feel ready to push yet, and her midwife said, "OK, that's fine. You'll know when you're ready." And she did. And she pushed that baby out quickly, with no trauma, and with no one screaming or counting at her, or shoving her knees in her ears. And I promptly burst into tears.
Damn it. It's still there.
My description says I am a newly-certified CNA and says that I will talk about my journey into the healthcare system. But I am starting to think that it might turn into the story of my journey right back out of it.
Many people in my life were shocked by my decision to get certified and work as a nursing assistant. Due to my birth experiences and history, I developed a serious dislike of doctors and nurses. When it comes to acute trauma, injury, or disease, medical care in this country is second-to-none. Lives are saved every day that would be lost anywhere else. But when it comes to a natural process like uncomplicated birth, their involvement more often causes problems rather than solving anything. For women who truly do have complications in pregnancy or cannot give birth other than by cesarean, obstetricians are a blessing. But there is absolutely no way that more than 25% of women in this country are incapable of giving birth without surgical intervention. If that were true, the species would have died out long ago. Many of the things that are done to women in childbirth in this country would be sexual assault, or straight battery, if done in any other venue, and a lot of times, that's about how much consent is involved. Birth does not have to be that way.
Honestly, my choice to enter the field of healthcare was purely economic. My husband wanted to get out of the military, and for him to do so, I had to help support the family. I figured that this was a field in which there would always be jobs, and it didn't cost much in money or time to take the class and get certified. So here I am, and I hate it. Oh my God, do I hate it. I will stay with it for now, because my husband is in school and working full time, and I am carrying our health insurance. But I spend every day before a night that I work dreading it. And my expectations are usually fulfilled. I thought I might progress to becoming a nurse, but now that I have seen the inner workings of it all.... you couldn't pay me enough. I don't have the desire or drive to get through nursing school, and I don't want the job that waits at the end of it.
So where am I going with all this? Midwifery.
I have many times considered pursuing a career as a midwife. Natural, peaceful, healthy birth, that feeds women's spirits and empowers them as mothers by demonstrating their capability, has been a passion of mine since soon after it was stolen from me. I eventually reclaimed it, but only with the help of a pair of midwives in Montana, and the support of a husband who couldn't stand to watch me suffer any more.
I have all the same fears and concerns I have always had every time I considered this in the past. I am not sure I have what it takes to face the risks of starting a business, and I wonder if I have the right to put my family's economic well-being at risk just to pursue my own dream. I wonder how I would be available for births at all hours and still take care of my family. I wonder if I have the right personality, disposition, or enough strength to be so pivotal to women in need at their most vulnerable time. Do I dare take on that much responsibility?
But the fact remains that the only two things that have ever inspired passion in me, from which I could make a career, are birth and politics. I can't and won't do politics while I am still raising children, and judging from what happens to even the best people in the political arena, I am not sure I ever will. And birth just keeps smashing into my stream of consciousness, like today. I am starting to think God might be trying to lead me somewhere, and that He is getting tired of waiting for me to catch on, and has now resorted to bat-upside-the-head tactics. Of course, He had to set a bush on fire to get through to Moses, so.....
I keep thinking that now that my own childbearing days are over, this passion will become less immediate and I can move on to other things. And then I see a water birth on TV and act like a faucet. I have run from this for a long time, because I know that working as a doula and then a midwife is going to engage everything in my being, take me up, and wring me out emotionally every single time. There is no way I will be able to maintain any kind of detachment or distance. It will take everything I am out of me, and then replace it. Over and over again.
But isn't that what all the most successful people say about their life's work?
And of course, we all know what that leads to.....DAYTIME TV! While flipping channels amongst the latest Maury paternity special and Dr. Phil's parade of parental misfits, I landed on A Baby Story. I used to watch this show regularly, but finally had to shut it off while preparing myself to attempt a VBAC. It seemed like every damned one was ending in a cesarean after really obvious doctor meddling, and it was, as Garth Algar so eloquently stated, "sucking my will to live!" So I have probably not watched that show in a decade.
So what episode do I land on today? Of course it was the beautiful, peaceful, midwife-attended water birth. I watched for a few minutes, loving what I was seeing, especially when the mom said she didn't feel ready to push yet, and her midwife said, "OK, that's fine. You'll know when you're ready." And she did. And she pushed that baby out quickly, with no trauma, and with no one screaming or counting at her, or shoving her knees in her ears. And I promptly burst into tears.
Damn it. It's still there.
My description says I am a newly-certified CNA and says that I will talk about my journey into the healthcare system. But I am starting to think that it might turn into the story of my journey right back out of it.
Many people in my life were shocked by my decision to get certified and work as a nursing assistant. Due to my birth experiences and history, I developed a serious dislike of doctors and nurses. When it comes to acute trauma, injury, or disease, medical care in this country is second-to-none. Lives are saved every day that would be lost anywhere else. But when it comes to a natural process like uncomplicated birth, their involvement more often causes problems rather than solving anything. For women who truly do have complications in pregnancy or cannot give birth other than by cesarean, obstetricians are a blessing. But there is absolutely no way that more than 25% of women in this country are incapable of giving birth without surgical intervention. If that were true, the species would have died out long ago. Many of the things that are done to women in childbirth in this country would be sexual assault, or straight battery, if done in any other venue, and a lot of times, that's about how much consent is involved. Birth does not have to be that way.
Honestly, my choice to enter the field of healthcare was purely economic. My husband wanted to get out of the military, and for him to do so, I had to help support the family. I figured that this was a field in which there would always be jobs, and it didn't cost much in money or time to take the class and get certified. So here I am, and I hate it. Oh my God, do I hate it. I will stay with it for now, because my husband is in school and working full time, and I am carrying our health insurance. But I spend every day before a night that I work dreading it. And my expectations are usually fulfilled. I thought I might progress to becoming a nurse, but now that I have seen the inner workings of it all.... you couldn't pay me enough. I don't have the desire or drive to get through nursing school, and I don't want the job that waits at the end of it.
So where am I going with all this? Midwifery.
I have many times considered pursuing a career as a midwife. Natural, peaceful, healthy birth, that feeds women's spirits and empowers them as mothers by demonstrating their capability, has been a passion of mine since soon after it was stolen from me. I eventually reclaimed it, but only with the help of a pair of midwives in Montana, and the support of a husband who couldn't stand to watch me suffer any more.
I have all the same fears and concerns I have always had every time I considered this in the past. I am not sure I have what it takes to face the risks of starting a business, and I wonder if I have the right to put my family's economic well-being at risk just to pursue my own dream. I wonder how I would be available for births at all hours and still take care of my family. I wonder if I have the right personality, disposition, or enough strength to be so pivotal to women in need at their most vulnerable time. Do I dare take on that much responsibility?
But the fact remains that the only two things that have ever inspired passion in me, from which I could make a career, are birth and politics. I can't and won't do politics while I am still raising children, and judging from what happens to even the best people in the political arena, I am not sure I ever will. And birth just keeps smashing into my stream of consciousness, like today. I am starting to think God might be trying to lead me somewhere, and that He is getting tired of waiting for me to catch on, and has now resorted to bat-upside-the-head tactics. Of course, He had to set a bush on fire to get through to Moses, so.....
I keep thinking that now that my own childbearing days are over, this passion will become less immediate and I can move on to other things. And then I see a water birth on TV and act like a faucet. I have run from this for a long time, because I know that working as a doula and then a midwife is going to engage everything in my being, take me up, and wring me out emotionally every single time. There is no way I will be able to maintain any kind of detachment or distance. It will take everything I am out of me, and then replace it. Over and over again.
But isn't that what all the most successful people say about their life's work?
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
"She's got a grip!"
Wow, I went two months without posting. I had a car accident less than a week after my last post, and let's just say it derailed a whole lot of things, this blog being one. No serious injuries, and now I am trying to get back in the saddle.
"She's got a grip!" Oh, how I wish that applied to me. Sadly, no. That statement is how I was ushered into parenting. My oldest child turned 14 yesterday, and I thought about what that nurse said the day she was born, over and over, while celebrating her birthday yesterday.
"She's got a grip!" It's turned out so prophetic. She was born by cesarean after an induced labor, during which a moronic doctor broke my water at 4 cm and doomed her into an unfavorable position in which her 9 lb. 13 oz. body was not going to come through my pelvis. (I had three VBACs later, with babies the same size and bigger, so clearly her size was not the issue.) Anyway, while she was being suctioned, she got irritated and grabbed the cannula so forcefully that it took two nurses to pry her fingers off of it.
Seconds after her birth, my girl had an opinion and forcefully expressed it. She knew what she wanted and fought until she got it. Atta girl! We should have known then.
All of my children have turned out the same way. With five of them, clearly we deal with differing personalities, strengths, interests, aptitudes, and yes, failings and weaknesses. But every single one of them has a clear view of their world, definite opinions and desires, and knows how to express themselves and achieve goals.
I suppose my husband and I could take credit for this, but really, that wouldn't be fair. All we do is love them and let them tell us who they are. When they do things the right way, we support and congratulate them. When they don't, we guide, correct, and sometimes have to punish them. But what is that except what all parents should do?
They have to choose each day to be people who will achieve or not. Who will be kind or not. Who will move forward on the path of life or stagnate. And most of the time, they choose correctly.
I don't know how the hell I am qualified to have custody of any of these insanely awesome young people. I hope I make good return to God for the blessings and privileges He has afforded me in sending them to me.
I feel like I should say more, but my brain is starting to shut down and it's time to nap before I pick up the kids from school and go to work tonight. Nighty night all!
"She's got a grip!" Oh, how I wish that applied to me. Sadly, no. That statement is how I was ushered into parenting. My oldest child turned 14 yesterday, and I thought about what that nurse said the day she was born, over and over, while celebrating her birthday yesterday.
"She's got a grip!" It's turned out so prophetic. She was born by cesarean after an induced labor, during which a moronic doctor broke my water at 4 cm and doomed her into an unfavorable position in which her 9 lb. 13 oz. body was not going to come through my pelvis. (I had three VBACs later, with babies the same size and bigger, so clearly her size was not the issue.) Anyway, while she was being suctioned, she got irritated and grabbed the cannula so forcefully that it took two nurses to pry her fingers off of it.
Seconds after her birth, my girl had an opinion and forcefully expressed it. She knew what she wanted and fought until she got it. Atta girl! We should have known then.
All of my children have turned out the same way. With five of them, clearly we deal with differing personalities, strengths, interests, aptitudes, and yes, failings and weaknesses. But every single one of them has a clear view of their world, definite opinions and desires, and knows how to express themselves and achieve goals.
I suppose my husband and I could take credit for this, but really, that wouldn't be fair. All we do is love them and let them tell us who they are. When they do things the right way, we support and congratulate them. When they don't, we guide, correct, and sometimes have to punish them. But what is that except what all parents should do?
They have to choose each day to be people who will achieve or not. Who will be kind or not. Who will move forward on the path of life or stagnate. And most of the time, they choose correctly.
I don't know how the hell I am qualified to have custody of any of these insanely awesome young people. I hope I make good return to God for the blessings and privileges He has afforded me in sending them to me.
I feel like I should say more, but my brain is starting to shut down and it's time to nap before I pick up the kids from school and go to work tonight. Nighty night all!
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