What it takes to be a good mother

Note to readers: This is another one of my older writings. Still relevant, though!

Here's what I think it takes to be a good mother. These opinions get me in trouble all the time. :D

#1 Get educated. That doesn't necessarily mean getting a degree in anything. Learn how the world REALLY works. Learn to use your brain instead of your emotions to make decisions. Learn to be self-sufficient, so that you will not be so afraid of being alone that you will make bad decisions.

#2 Be picky about who you date. Do not accept lies, immaturity, selfishness, possessiveness, or abusive behavior. Have a one-strike rule. Remember, you are searching for the father of your children. Do not be weak. As soon as an undesirable behavior is shown, show him the door.

#3 DO NOT GET PREGNANT OUT OF WEDLOCK! Children have a right to a stable home and family, and that almost never happens in unmarried pregnancy situations. Even if the parents do get married, it tends not to last or be healthy, because, of course, they got married for the wrong reasons. The easiest way to accomplish this is to abstain from unmarried sex. If you will not do that, it's not that hard to prevent pregnancy. You just have to be responsible and think about it EVERY time.

#4 Respect the concept of obligation. When you have children, you become obligated to another human being. Your needs are 100% secondary once a child is born to you, and your wants rank even lower.

#5 Be there to mother your own child. I do not understand women who have babies just to turn them over to strangers to be cared for. Do you know that studies show that babies left in daycare show behaviors of grief and loneliness, no matter how good the daycare is? The current generation has been taught that dependence, especially upon a man, is the greatest of all evils. But a strong woman, who is really sure of herself and her goals, is not afraid of what it takes to achieve them. I am financially dependent on my husband. I am not afraid of that, because it allows me to be the best mother I can be. I am strong and sure of myself, so dependence poses no threat to me. I was also careful about who I married. (see #2) I know I will not end up abandoned. Dependence is not dangerous with the right kind of man. One who is not afraid of the responsibility of being a provider. (Note: I recently heard Dr. Laura Schlessinger say, "I wish more young women were afraid of neglecting their babies than of upsetting their men!" to a woman whose husband insisted she had to put their 3-month-old in daycare so she could work.)

#6 Breastfeed. I know, I know. You have a hundred excuses. Guess what? Most of them are crap! Few women have true medical difficulties nursing. Breastmilk is the only food designed specifically for your baby. I, for one, believe that parents are actually obligated to give their children the best they can. And when parents CHOOSE to give an inferior, artificial product to their babies instead of the wonderful, perfect food that nature provides, it pisses me off. I've heard the convenience excuse. What is more convenient about having to mix, warm, and wash bottles? About having to lug all that stuff with you? I've heard the hangups excuse. Some women just aren't comfortable enough with their bodies.....well, they were comfortable enough to have sex! I've heard the back to work excuse. Well, I believe mothers should ideally have only one job, at least in the early years...mothering. (Or, if they must work to earn, they should fit it around their mothering obligations. I do it, so can you.)

#7 Be responsive. You will not be an effective parent if you do not know your child. Getting to know your child begins in infancy. Your baby tells you what he needs, and you give it to him. Sick, manipulative baby-training systems that tell you to let the baby cry and schedule feedings will only distance you from your child. That hijacks the process of getting to know your child. If you don't know your child, how will you parent appropriately? Never mind that crying it out and forcing a tiny, hungry baby to wait for food are cruel. When a baby cries too long, the stress hormone cortisol rises in his system. His misery compounds upon itself the longer he screams, and then he has a hard time calming down because of the cortisol flowing in his system. People ask why our kids seem to have so many anti-social behaviors. Could it be because so many of them were parented anti-socially?